Between the Darkness and the Light

OMG! A Post!

2006-12-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

... but only because i saw it on Lo's blog and thought i would waste some time. You know how it is around finals.

And now for something completely different...

2006-03-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

Yay for Random Lister Moments. For the better part of the evening a random Irish band played glorious Irish music on our floor. One of the guys that lives here invited them to play, but then left before they got here for a job interview in Calgary. There was some chaos when the band found out that he wasn't there and that nothing was organized (and no one had money :P) but it was all in all pretty cool. There should be more private shows on the floor!

Adrift

2005-11-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

I don't see any of you anymore and... it sucks. I miss you all and I should do more with you, it's not like you live all that far away. Please don't think I've forgoten about you or that I don't love you cuz I do. I could blame it on being too busy, but I'm sure the problem has more to do with me being lazy and unmotivated. *sigh* A strange evening it's been.

hello blog?

2005-09-20T21:17:00.001-06:00

hello blog?

2005-09-20T21:17:00.000-06:00

Why does you say you don't contain data? Come back to me!

Ho's Ho?

2005-08-30T22:49:00.000-06:00

Can someone please give me a list of which ho is who (or probably whom in this case, but I could be wrong about that). I really don't have much else to say other than i'll be moving up to E-town on saturday and moving into rez on sunday. I suppose i should post more and then i would know where to start instead of having too much to say that i shall simply have to go to bed without saying much more. Another day perhaps. See you all soon!

picutuuuuures!

2005-07-03T12:14:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of the sheep river when 't was flooding. Look at the poor little tree being washed away.This one is of the bike path that goes down by the bridge. You can sort of see where it comes out on the other side of all the water.
This is the Sheep River campsite thingger. It was mucho-ly flooded and still isn't all fixed up.
Well there ya go. I now have picutuuuures on mine blog! Bwa ha! 'Bout time. Thankee Devin for your help and whatnot you silly creature. Take care all you pep-ols out there!

Little Wandrin' Hobo

2005-06-08T19:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I feel like a huge inconvenience. Since Dad got his new job I feel like I'm keeping him from moving to the Palace (a.k.a Agrium Place) just because I stiiiiiiiiill don't have a driver's license. Which isn't really true seeing as we only have two cars and mom needs one, so I'd still be stuck even if I did have my license. Anyhow, dad had to go into the city today so he couldn't drive me out to the plant. Luckily Brant (my boss) lives in Okotoks so I got a ride in with him. So I got myself up half an hour earlier than usual because we also had to pick up Bruce who lives in Cranston. The three of us share an office which is reeeeeeeeeeeeally small. Pretty much we each have a corner and a foot and a half on either side. The other two guys that work there share the other office, but neither of them are ever there. Brant told me I should go into their office when they aren't there so that's where I was today. That office also doesn't have any heat for some reason, so I got to sit in a freezing cold office by myself all day. Yay, I love work.
normaly I leave around four thirty or five so when it got to be a bit after five today and neither Bruce or Brant were around I started to wonder what was up because they are usually very eager to get home. Brant came in shortly after and when he saw me still sitting in the office he looked surprised... until he realized that I was supposed to be getting a ride home from him. Apparently they were having some sort of problem with the equipment and were going to be there most of the night. By that time most of the people that work at the plant had gone home so possibilities of getting a ride were looking very slim. It would take 40 minutes for mom to get there and then the same to get back. Madness ensued, but luckily I was able to hitch a ride with one of dad's friends (he's a super cool guys and full of the most interesting stories you can imagine) and them met dad half way home. *sigh* I feel like I just make everyone's life a huge hassle.
In other news, it's raining really hard again. The river is sooooooooooo huge and the campsite and downtown are flooded. It's a big mess, but it's sort of interesting. I love how powerful nature can be... it keeps us humble.
Anyhow... I'm off to suspend myself in the far away place where music lives for a few hours. Take care all my beautiful friends!

How horrible this blog...

2005-04-21T00:36:00.000-06:00

This blog is sad. I should really post more often about more important things... but i'm a lazy bum and don't want to take the time... well i do want to... i just don't. Yup, that's about how my life goes. I promise to post soon about something worth reading about. You can all look forward to that. :P

I oft used to say that time went a wandrin' just like me, but these days it's really flying by

2005-04-10T02:18:00.000-06:00

This is just a short little post to let all my gorgeous friends know that I'm thinking about all of you and hoping things are going well for all of you. I miss you guys. It's so different this year with people gone away to different places, and people who are in the same place having different classes and not really seeing each other... I just... wanted you all to know how much you mean to me and what beautiful people you all are. I think of you all all the time... wondering what you are doing, how life is treating you, how school is going. Even if I don't seem to talk to you anymore it doesn't mean i'm not thinking of you. *hugs to all you wonderful, wonderful people*

and one more....

2005-03-16T22:57:00.000-07:00

You are: CATWOMAN!

Which Batman Villain Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hehehe

A quiz to prove that I am not insane... in fact that i am a "voice of sanity" HAHAHAHAHAHA! I win!!!

2005-03-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

Your element is Earth: Stubborn and loyal, you tend
to want to nurture others and you are the
person friends always come to for advice or
just someone to listen. You do not easily show
your emotions in most settings, but you try to
help. Often thought of as stable and practical
you can have trouble with non-tangible ideas.
You are skilled with/like using your hands and
I hate to say it because of the pun, but you
are down to earth. Without you and others like
you, people would be flying off the edge. A
sure voice of sanity in this crazy world, you
are strong in your silence and if you set your
mind on something, you will often pursue it to
the end. Sometimes though; you just want to
get away, but no matter what happens, the earth
keeps turning.

What's your Element?
brought to you by Quizilla

I found this while perusing through blogs of people who don't seem to blog anymore (and yes I know i belong in that group too, no worries.). I don't think i have much to say other than i miss you guys.... especialy the ones of you that i don't seem to see too much anymore. Take care all. Love ya!

:D It's my Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

Hehehehehehe... I'm old now. Not mature mind you... that'd be no fun at all. :P

Happy Birthday!

2005-02-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

This here is a special Happy Birthday post going out to the wonderful Taslim! You ROCK girl! Don't get too old too fast though, okay? Also, Happy Birthday to Luke who I know is not with us, but is far too amazing not to be remembered on his special day (and all other days of course). I'll hold a birthday party in my heart for you and maybe find some sour dinos to eat... good times. As for your b-day celebrations Taz, I have a million pounds of work to do this weekend and I'm going away on Monday so I don't know if I'll be able to make it. *extreme sad face* I hope you had a grand day though! (((hugs))) and happy un-birthday to all you other wonderful people out there!

Tower of Insanity

2005-01-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

So the King Louis challenge is on in Kelsey Tower these days which equals many a strange and unusual happening. Like the guy who is playing bagpipes in the common area. As much as some people might find that annoying at 12:20 in the morning, it is somehow strangely beautiful. There you go Lori, I have posted. It's not much, but it's late and I have been deprived of sleep for the past few days. Good night all!

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful day with friends and family like I did (more family than friends cuz I really don't know anyone around here yet). Today was wonderful, but I'm too tired to write much else so... Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve, Folks!

2004-12-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

YAY!!! This is one of the best nights in the whole year! Today I helped dad wrap up stuff for stockings and helped James put all the stuff under the tree. Wee! Then we had lunch and lazed around watching Christmas-y stuff on T.V. After that we made gingerbread houses and I would post a picture of mine, but I don't know how to do that. Maybe Devin can show me when he comes down here, but that won't be for a while. We had torttier (sp?) that my grandma brought with her for dinner and then took a walk to see all of the Christmas lights around here. It is a really nice evening (+7 or so) because we had a chinook today (it got up to about +10 or 12 or something). I think we will be stuffing stockings soon or doing something else fun so I probably won't write too much more. I miss you guys and hopefuly I'll have some time to see you when I get back up to Edmonton. Until then, Merry Christmas Eve and have a very Merry Christmas Day tomorrow. Oh, and don't be afraid that I will telepathicaly send evil voodoo at you if you don't post. :P Silly Lori.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

Christmasy Joy (Day 2)

2004-12-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today we went shopping for Christmas prezzies and tired my grandparents out thuroughly (that is really not how you spell that word, but I don't want to look in the old dictionary that threatens to fall apart every time it is opened (it was my great grandaddy's or somthing) and I refuse to use spell check after it ate my post the last time. If anyone knows how to spell it I will think about changing it). I got some Christmas stuff for people, but I still need to go out again. Maybe after Christmas as I won't see you all until I get back so I have lots of time.

Tomorrow we are making gingerbread houses which is always fun (even though I probably eat more stuff than I stick on the house). My grandama picked up these... "gingerbread decorations" at some store we were at today. They are rather the confusing thing because you can't eat them (they are made of fimo or something), but some of them are quite small and look like candy so I really don't think it's a good idea to put them on. Some unsuspecting person might come along and eat one without realizing it wasn't eddible. The things people come up with these days. *shakes head*

I really must get working on my essay soon, because I don't want to have to be working on it when Devin is here. Neither do I want to work on it Christmas Eve Day or on Christmas. So it can wait for two days.

Thank you (most of you that is) for posting more posts. They were all most delightful to read!

Apparently...

2004-12-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

You're Devi! Bad people happen to you more than is
normal. You must live a cursed life.

What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac character are you?
brought to you by

Well I really don't think that any bad people have happened to me... some "interesting" people have, but not and actual bad people.

Holiday Lollybloggers

2004-12-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, you are all a bunch of Holiday Lollybloggers. This is probably the time of year when you have the most time to relax. I understand that there will be lots of visiting and feasting and decorating, and maybe even caroling (I want to go caroling... I miss the good times of the choir caroling party *sigh*), but you don't have to worry about classes or exams or assignments (well... maybe some assignments if your teacher is evil and gave you an essay to write over the holidays like mine did!!!). Soooooooooooo... BLOG! See? I am being a positive example and will try to write a wee bit o' something everday if I'm home long enough and I think all of you should too. Then when I go blog surfing I will actually have something new to read. Although I think I will excuse Jess from the previous... shall we say... scolding, because she blogs quite frequently. (My appologies to those of you who also blog frequently, but that I may have forgotten). I do miss Stef's daily blogging. Perhaps I shall have to continue her tradition...

My Grandma and Grandpa arrived today (Mom's dad and step-mom) and they think it is terribly cold here, because they live in Victoria where the weather is not so nasty. This is the first Christmas that they have ever come and stayed with us because I don't think my Grandma likes traveling. It's very nice to be at home where the food is edible, my bed is not a foam board and my room is quiet, the house is clean, the people are not disgustingly messy and I have a real piano that is not stuck in a cupboard and out of tune (well actually it's a bit sharp at the moment, but even still it is about five hundred times better than the ones in Lister).

James and I decorated the Christmas tree today. It was good fun except that he still needs a bit of help because he is prone to putting a whole box of the same decorations in one spot so the tree. This makes the whole thing look like someone stood there without moving until they went to get a different box of ornaments. Silly boy. Actually, it is a good thing that mom is as stubborn as she is otherwise we wouldn't have a real tree this year. Dad threw out the Christmas tree stand when we moved because he thought that we would get a fake tree this year and wouldn't need the stand. I guess he didn't realize that only he wanted a fake tree. Real trees are so much better, although I'm still not sure which is better for the environment. I think that argument can go either way really so I'll keep my real trees while there are still trees around, if only so I can tell my Grand-children of the days when we there were real trees around. Well, enough rambling for me today. I hope to read some good blog entries of Christmas festivities soon!

sigh

2004-12-11T01:28:00.000-07:00

I miss you guys. Come visit me if you are around campus.

Good Times

2004-12-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is such a great quiz that I couldn't not post it for all to see. Hehehe! It makes me thing of art history (as well as many other strange and unusual things... like pirates... but everything makes me think of pirates... perhaps i should try to ween myself off that movie... but why would I want to do that? Yaaaaaaaaaar!)

Which Extremity of the World Are You?
From the towering colossi at Rum and Monkey.

SNOW!

2004-12-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

It SNOWED today!!! Yay! Maybe now it will feel more Christmas-y. I am in need of Christmas music, but I don't have any here, cuz I forgot to bring some with me at the start of the year and I forgot to ask mom to bring me some when she was here last weekend. *sigh* I miss my fambly. I can't wait to go home at Christmas and see them all. I even miss James... actually I miss him a lot. He's really quite a good little brother, and he's doing so well in school now which is great to hear. He's making beautiful things in his wood-working class and he said the maybe he'll make me an easel for me birthday!

Portfolios are due on the 15th. I really hope I don't have to stay up for 34 hours like I did last time. Uhg, that was some not good times. Also bad is the fact that my english lit exam is on 14th... soooooo... we all know how much I will be studying for that *cough cough*

I need to see all you folks over Christmas some time, but I think I'm leaving on the 20th or 21st and not coming back until some time around the 6th. Let me know when we can sqeeze in some time together. And if Colleen reads this, when are you going down to Calgary? Cuz, maybe we can take a bus together?

Well, that is all for tonight dear friends. Take care, stay warm, drink hot chocolate by the fire and read a good book... then maybe study for exams... you know... if you get a chance ;P

&^^%$&%^#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

I posted a nice long post... then blogger ate it when i tried to spell check.
Can anyone say...

I"M MAD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can... I just did. I will blog later. I will write in word and then stick it in blogger. Stupid blogger!!!

The world doesn't stop spinning just because your eyes are closed

2004-11-03T22:42:00.000-07:00

Two months.

Two months of fighting reality, two months of living as a stranger in an even stranger place, two months of trying to believe that this is not a dream, two months of silent tears at random times and places, two months of some of the best memories of my life flooding back, two months of heartache, two months of new friends and old friends, two months of missing my family, two months of trying to live a meaningful life, two months of time flying by, two months of stress, two months of new adventures, two months of beginnings and endings.

After two months you would think that I would be able to find the words to say what I want to say. To give voice to everything sad, everything happy and everything beautiful. Yet I can not find the words. The only thing I can think of to say is that I miss them. I miss them so much. I wish I hadn't been working all summer and that I could have spent their last months with them having good times and doing crazy things. It still doesn't seem real to me. I visit Stef's blog and wonder, if only for an instant, why there is nothing new and then... I suppose one would say "everything comes rushing back"... but it doesn't rush... it more... washes over me like waves upon the shore of my mind. It's the same thing with the memories. The memories that make me laugh, make me cry, me smile and, more than anything, that help me keep going. When I went to the viewing for Stef I was so worried that the only thing I would be able to remember was her lying in her beautiful coffin with the pretty star-gazer lilies on it. I didn't want to only remember that... the girl in the coffin wasn't Stef... not really. Stef is the one whose smile could light up the room and make anyone who was sad feel instantly better. Stef is the one who has hugs for everyone and knows how to make people's hearts feel lighter. When I remember her I remember her smile and the way her eyes always sparkled. I remember all the good times we shared and all the crazy things we did. I miss her... I miss them all, but I'm glad I had as long a time as I did with them.

I still remember the first time I met Luke and Amanda (I might have met her somewhere before... I don't know). It was before we all went to see Pirates (I've seen that movie at least twenty-five times now) and we met at the mall a bit before the movie was going to start. Lori and Stef told me that they had just picked up Luke and since I'd never met him and he was so... British... I thought they must have meant from the airport. Anyhow... for a long while they had me convinced that he had just arrived from England (they did eventually tell me the truth, but not before I had been sufficiently laughed at :P). Then we went to La Senza and all Luke would look at were the slippers. He is so cute. He used to come visit me when I was working at Lewiscraft and the people I worked with called him Harry Potter.

I will never forget any of them. I didn't really know Amanda, but... I don't know how to say what I want to say. Their memory will never die and therefore neither will they. I will remember.

Moonbeams and Shadows

2004-10-25T01:28:00.000-06:00

If i disappear would you notice? No... I didn't think so.

Words don't seem to be enough...

2004-10-13T22:29:00.000-06:00

If i could capture all the feelings that i have. If i could bottle them and paste them to a page. Perhaps then you would be able to read of what i feel. But feelings cannot be captured in a jar. And what would be the point in living if they could?
If i could turn my soul to paint. If i could paint a picture of light with a brush of fire and water. Perhaps then you would be able to see what i am seeing. But souls cannot be turned to paint. And what would be the point in living if they could?

I have a hundred things that i would like to say, and not the words to say even one of them. This is mostly just a post so that Lori does not unleash her wrath upon me. For we all know how tremendously scary Lori can be. ;P

Of Evacuation and Office Assistance Gone Awry

2004-08-25T20:22:00.000-06:00

So yesterday there was some leak at the plant and we all got evacuated. It was really rather exciting. The emergency alarm went (it's like a fire alarm crossed with a fog horn and really really loud) and we all had to go to our nearest collection area just like the good little trained drones we are. Other than the fact that it was freezing cold and drizzly out it was nice to be out of the office. The ambulance came by to check who was at our area and offered blankets to those who were cold. I will admit that being the week willed woman I am (Only sometimes... I detest being cold and I only had a light sweater on... well... a t-shirt too =P), I decided that rather than pretend to be warm I'd ask for a blanket. So I slipped and slidded my way over to the ambulance (it had been raining for the past week and the place where we had to go was VERY muddy) and was rewarded with the guys fireman coat. Hehe... those things are so warm. I need to get one of them. Anyhow, a while later the ambulance came by again and said we all had to get in and go up to the front office. When we got there they said that we wouldn't be able to get back into our offices until one (at the time it was about eleven or perhaps earlier) so we could go home if we had keys. One of the EIT's was going my way and offered me a ride. She drove me home and I got to take the rest of the afternoon off (while still being paid). The whole thing worked out rather well as I didn't have anything to do and it looked like the day would drag on forever.

Today I was working on the computer and the little speech thing for the assistant popped up rather unexpectedly telling me that "You can get hurt if you run with scissor". Uhmmmm... Okay... I thought you were only supposed to tell me about computer related things. Strange.

Of Computers and Strange Occurrences

2004-08-21T19:56:00.000-06:00

Pixel Pixies, Gollum in the Gears, or just an on-going case of Jinx? Strange things often happen when I'm around electrical things. Not all the time, and not at regular intervals, but every so often something weird happens. My grandmother has never been able to wear a watch as they won't keep time for her. It doesn't matter what watch it is... they all do funny things. Perhaps I've inherited whatever it is that she has.

When I walked past the radio in art class it would usually go all static-y and the same thing happened a couple times with our TV. One of the weirdest was when I was sitting in front of the TV and the remote was on the top of it. I went to reach for the remote and the screen went static-y... I pulled my hand back and the normal picture came back... I went to reach for the remote again and the static returned. Maybe this can be explained by me simply getting in the way of the signal, but other things have happened that don't seem to have a logical explanation. I'll turn on a light and they'll all go out (kind of like what happens when they burn out), but if I turn the switch off and try again they'll come back on. One time they did this I tried turning off the switch and turning it back on, but it didn't work. I tried it a couple more times and it still wasn't working. I turned off the switch and called mom. She came over, turned on the switch and... it worked fine. There have been lots of things like these and I don't think I'll mention them all, but the latest merits an entry all of its own.

If you don't know, I've been working as an office assistant for the last two months for the transcanada people that are located on the same chemical plant that my father works on. It hasn't been all that fun and I haven't really had anything to do. Most of what I've been doing is data entry, filling, and indexing the many many manuals that have been terribly neglected.

A few days ago I was using excel to create an index for a manual of some sort. I was typing away and then turned around to ask one of the guys I work with a question. I turned back and found that the last work on the screen was not one that I remembered typing. I'd been using caps lock and the last word ("The") was written the same as I just wrote it in brackets. That, added to the fact that what I was inputting was all numbers and strange combinations of letters got me a little bit puzzled. Oh well I though... maybe I just had a brain lapse or something (not that uncommon for me =P). Anyhow, I deleted it and kept typing. A few cells down I paused to look at what I needed to input next and I saw a "....." appear on the screen all of it's own accord. The dots then turned into letters. "day of the" was now written on my screen. Okaaaaaaay thinks me... we now have "The day of the". What comes next? Delete and keep typing is my general game plan until I get a few more cells down and the dots that turn into letters are appearing at an alarming rate.

Here is what my last message from the Pixel Pixies was... (the bold is what I wrote and everything else was written by... well... your guess is as good as mine)

"4" SC5501, 4" 5502, 4" 5519, 3" SC5505, 3" SC550five to the 550 one the only thing I can say anything in the NL one of the only thing I have a say in an era there have been a year or one of the FAA and the yen the the F. A. F. I. F. have a high a price that the only thing I have..."

I called the two guys that were in the office and we all watched as the little dots turned into the very strange message that appeared on my computer screen. That is all that was typed. After that there were no more strange messages and all the other things that I've typed since have progressed in a mundane and usual way.

There you have it. If anyone can explain this... well... that would be lovely. If not I shall continue to attribute it to the pixies in my computer. I shall leave you know with an expert from Charles de Lint's story Pixel Pixies.

"I hate computers.

Not when they do what they're supposed to. Not even when I'm the one who's made some stupid mistake, like deleting a file I didn't intend to, or exiting one without saving it. I've sill got a few of those old war-horse programs on my machine that don't pop up a reminder asking if I want to save the file I was working on.

No, it's when they seem to have a mind of their own. The keyboard freezing for no apparent reason (this has happened to me before). Getting an error message that you're out of disk space when you know you've got at least a couple of gigs free. Passwords becoming temporarily, and certainly arbitrarily, obsolete. Those and a hundred other, usually minor, but always annoying, irritations."

It's a wonderful story by a wonderful author. If you haven't read any of his stories I highly suggest them.

2004-08-20T21:14:00.000-06:00

I need a hug.

Annoyed cont'd.

2004-08-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

I remember what I was annoyed about. I was annoyed that the comments say "1 comments" and that they are stupid and don't appear in another screen. Bah! What kind of a comment system is that! I was also annoyed that the colours in my blog look good,but on every other computer they look stupid. That is because the screen is wonky on my computer and doesn't show colours how they actually are. Stupid thing.

As a side comment I had a lovely weekend. *happy sigh*

Annoyed

2004-08-12T20:32:00.000-06:00

I don't know why, but in the last few minutes several things have annoyed me and I feel the need to share them with my readers for no particular reason or another. Firstly, I am annoyed at people who mainly post lyrics on their blogs. This is directed at no one in particular... lots of people do this... and they all annoy me... even though they may be, and most likely are, wonderful, loving people. Once and a while posting an entire song on your blog is suitable and can inhance and further what you are trying to say. However, when used repeatedly it quickly loses its effect. Secondly, I am annoyed that everyone in the place where I work is leaving. This means I will have nothing to do? again? like always. Is it too much to ask that if you request a summer student there is something for them to do and some people around the office? I think not. Thirdly, I am annoyed that dad is leaving for a week and a half so I don?t have anyone to eat lunch with.

For those of you who don?t know, I?m working at the same chemical plant as my dad for the summer. I do secretarial stuff and get a wage not a per hour amount? if you calculate it though it works out to about 12 or 13 dollars an hour. Not too bad considering that I do about as much as a small insect sitting on the coffee maker? but it is a horrible waste of my time.

Fourthly I am annoyed that I have so many emotions. I shouldn?t be this emotion-y about my university schedule being such that I can?t work at the legislature next year (*weeps*) or about moving into rez and not being with my family. * sigh* I am so worried about everything. I suppose not being able to work at the leg. could work out okay? but it?s really sad. At least my schedule is now wonderful. The only thing that was making it non-wonderful was trying to fit work in. Maybe I?ll go take belly-dancing classes to console my non-working-at-the-legislature soul.

I think that is all I?m annoyed at at the moment. I actually had something to do at work (that being sanding and painting the veryvery big picnic table). However, I now have a sunburn on my right arm. I must remember to bring suntan lotion tomorrow. I think dad is taking me down to the river for lunch tomorrow so that would be really nice. It?s so pretty down there and the food is /wonderful!/

I am trying to make up a book of addresses, phone numbers and birthdays. It?s not one of those silly on-line ones (those annoy me too, by the way) it?s just a book with all your guys? names in it? or it will be. Anyhow, e-mail me if you want me to have your info and perhaps send you cards and letters or leave a private post on my guest book.

I think that is all that I have to say tonight other than? my sweetie is coming to visit me tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for actually having people to do things with whilst in Okotoks! (It?s a really nice town. I like it here) I think I?ve actually convinced him to come swimming in the river and it?s supposed to be 28 degrees this weekend! *happy dance * The only sad thing is he?s really only here for a day. We?ll have more company after he leave though because my grandmother is coming on Sunday (also yay!)
If you get bored and have nothing else to do? e-mail me! I?m so lonely down here all by me onesie. I?ll even try to write you back. =P Have a wonderful rest of your summer all!

My Life as Sonata: Op.27 No.2, First Movement (Beethoven)

2004-08-10T21:22:00.000-06:00

It's quiet... not the calm and peaceful quiet, but the deep, dark, suck out your soul and swallow you whole kind of quiet. Shadows and ghosts. Memories tugging at the back of my mind... old things that never really died. Perhaps I am the shadow, walking the hallways of my mind and never finding rest. Quiet. Oh so very very quiet. A sort of quiet that is tarnished even by the soft flutter of a breath. Breathe in, breath out. Hold your breath and mar not the fierce beauty of the stillness. If you die... well then at least you will rest knowing that you have left something perfect untouched.

2004-08-03T20:24:00.000-06:00

Well I am now the proud participant in a household that has *both* internet and cable. Yes, that is correct... after eighteen years of living with peasant view I now have thirty, entirely different channels. This is remarkable considering that my father is part Luddite. I don't know what else to post other than I miss you all terribly, am stressed from living in a house full of boxes, hate working, but make good money, and want to beat the registrar lady with a two-by-four. More on all of the previous at a later time when I'm not so tired. Love you all.

2004-07-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

Hello all! I'm back... for a grand total of one and a half days before I'm off again. I'm back next weekend and that's it. The last time I'll sleep in my room, the last time I'll wander through our garden, the last time I'll be in the house that I've spent the better part of my life in. *sigh* It's kind of sad really. Two more weeks and then we move... I know I'll be back for university and stuff... but it's not the same. I haven't been at this house for two weeks now and coming back makes me realize how much I'm missing. I'm totally out of the loop on everything. I miss you all soooooooooooooooooo much. Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease e-mail me. I don't get to check it very often, but when I do it makes being all alone in the south seem more bearable. The house is very nice... the window in my room looks out on the mountains and there are horses in the field behind our yard. I went over to see them (the horses) the other day... well... there was really only one of them... but he was veryvery cute and friendly. Hehehe... he tried to eat my hand... well... not really... but you know... :P I miss you all... though I think I've said that already. I'll probably be getting hooked up to the net during the first week of August so... you can (hopefully) expect regular posting then. For the record... I hate working... even if I do get 12 something an hour. After this summer I never want to see the horrid hour of 6 in the morning on a regular basis ever again, nor do I wish to file papers for days on end or type so much that my hand hurts and I want to bite it... uhm... don't ask me to explain that... something relating to primal instincts I'm sure. I also hate getting back home at around seven each night... and being away from all my friends. Boo for working!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please e-mail me. Talk to you all later sometime, and happy wishes for a wonderful summer to you all. =)
*it says my spelling is fine... if it's not I blame it on spell check

2004-05-31T22:09:00.000-06:00

Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Practice what you preach, live the lie you teach. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. This is your gift. The gift of pain, the gift of sorrow, the gift of no hope for tomorrow. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference. Love me or hate me, but please, spare me you indifference.

2004-05-27T19:17:00.000-06:00

"Where words fail, music speakes" -Hans Christian Anderson

Here are some ani difranco lyrics for some of you. Take from them what you will.

no reason to come home
then, oh its so ironic
here's this girl with all her friends
sitting in such solitude
trying desperately to mend
and suddenly the four walls
are closing in around
the daily defenses
are all falling down.
what are you gonna do
you are living all alone
there's no place to go out
and no reason to come home.

minerva
you want me
to tell you a story
but i am weary
of entertaining
i'll have more
to say when i'm happy
course then i'll have less
to sing

garden of simple
but in the garden of simple
where all of us are nameless
you were never anything but beautiful to me

deep dish
this is only a possibility in a world of possibilities
there are obviously there are many possibilities
ranging from small to large
before long there will be short
before short there was nothing
when there was nothing
there was always the possibility
of something becoming what it is

carry you around
how pleased can one
sun setting make you
if you humble yourself
to it?
how grateful can you
really say that you are
just to be here and live
through it?
and when beauty asks a question
how often do you reply?
how often do you wonder
about life on the other side?
on the other side of sorrow
on the other side of rage
on the other side of ok

(All lyrics written by ani difranco)

2004-05-19T16:26:00.000-06:00

Hello, hello!
I really don't know why i am writing today's post in the form of a letter, but who really cares? If you do care well... go get your own blog and rant about it there... or use the comment button(you did all see the comment button didn't you?). Today has been a most lovely day. It's been slightly overcast with just the right amount of wind and rain drops to keep the heat down to the perfect temperature. My mother disagrees with me on this and has informed me that it's "too cold for May", but then... she's an odd one. I hope it rains tonight.
The "content" of today has been rather dry, except for a visit from me boy and milk and cookies in english. Other than that... i have sat in class, been bored and realized that i hate how i don't seem to talk to any of my friends any more. Math is a royal pain and the "teacher" is... well, there are really no word to explain how horrid she is so i shan't waste any time trying to find them.
Some good things that i haven't yet posted: for anyone who hasn't heard i won $100 in the art competition and show a while back, i'm done theory! and i received $3500 from the Leadership Scholarship.
I hope everyone is doing well and surviving though these last few days of high school. Post in the guest book, comment, or... call me :) I miss you guys.
Love Always,
Your resident Wandering Soul

2004-05-15T23:41:00.000-06:00

Take my heart away. Losing friends is just too hard.

2004-05-12T20:33:00.000-06:00

Backspace, Delete

*Jumps up and down with rage*

Are you stupid? There is no way that i can make this any more clear to you and yet you still refuse to see things as they really are! So here you go. I'm laying things down in plain english. No more riddles, no more lies. This is how it is:

Firstly
Never, never, never be sorry for living, it is the single most beautiful thing in this world
Secondly
I never asked you to leave me alone
I never wanted to go
You did make me happy
I don't hate you
Maybe you didn't want to hurt me, but all the same i am hurting
I am mad, not mad at you, simply mad at myself for being so stupid and falling into the same trap that i have fallen into so many times before
Don't try to tell me that things don't change, they do
Don't get to close to me, i am not the same, things are not as they were. I have trouble trusting people to start with and after this...
and Thirdly
I am happy that you are happy. Things are better this way. Don't leave what you have now to try and find what you left behind. It's not there and even if it were, you don't need it now. Be happy. You deserve their love.

Goodbye.

2004-05-11T21:27:00.000-06:00

The only way to live in peace with the lies you tell yourself and others is to become that which you hate most.

Congratulations! You've done a wonderful job.

Maybe you should teach the whole world to lie as well as you do.

2004-05-11T16:26:00.000-06:00

As a general rule i don't hate people. I might have huge issues with them or just generaly dislike them... but i can't say that i really hate anyone...

or can i...

2004-05-11T11:46:00.000-06:00

The silence is more beautiful than any words that could be spoken.

2004-05-04T22:15:00.000-06:00

I have found a quote for the woman at the front of the class who deceids to proclaim herself a "teacher"...

"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches." - George Bernard Shaw

That will be all for the evening... other than banging my head on a wall and cursing my "teacher"...

2004-05-03T23:28:00.000-06:00

A compilation of the happy and the sad

Five Sad Things:
1) "certain people" do not like my new blog colours... well... "Certain people" suck ;P
2) other "certain people" are ignoring me, choosing to retreat into a cold little world of thought in which "they" can't see that lots of people love "them" and the world is not so bad
3) cab drivers need to learn that when the maximum exit speed on the Big Curve is 35 it does not mean that you can go 90
4) the other Pages are stupid and don't want to work this week so i have three... count them... one, two, three... afternoon shifts this week. *shakes head*
5) i haven't studied for AP exams... and they start on thursday... so... i'm screwed. YAY!<-sarcasticness resounds

Five Happy Things:
1) it is spring and i am returning to life
2) Hon. Mr. Mar is very cool, very well-read, and bought us Pizza
3) two of my favorite people stopped in to say "hi" (and assorted other things) this evening
4) every time i've gone outside for the past week i've seen one (or more) crows. Hehe i love crows *spin*
5) it's dark out... i like the dark... it's happy

Well, none of those are very happy or very sad... i guess my life must be boring. I am told that i have to go to bed now... so i suppose i will go. *sigh* So many things left unsaid.

2004-05-02T19:05:00.000-06:00

For some unknown reason i was recently reminded of this beautiful poem that my mother often read to me when i was a child. It was written over a hundred years ago on March 9th, 1889 by Eugene Field, and is considered one of the most perfect childhood poems of all time... i know i think so

Wynken, Blynken and Nod
A Dutch Lullaby
By Eugene Field
Wynken, Blynken and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe
Sailed on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew,
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
The old moon ask the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring fish
That live in this beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we,"
Said Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the Wind that sped them all night long,
Ruffled the waves of dew.
The little stars were the herring fish
That lived in that beautiful sea-
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish-
Never afeared are we;"
So called the stars to the fishermen three;
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam-
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
Bringing the fishermen home;
"T was all so pretty a sail it seemed
As if it could not be.
And some folks thought 't was a dream they'd dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea-
But I shall name you the fishermen three:
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head.
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea.
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three;
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

2004-04-28T15:27:00.000-06:00

An Update on Current Happenings in the World of the Wandering Soul

General Happenings: The world is a funny place (mine especial) that i do not, in any way, claim to understand. The only thing i know is that the world keeps spinning no matter how many people it throws off.

Sad Happenings: 1) Relationships are messy things (not mine, as it is the most wonderful thing i have ever had... but other peoples... namely my friend who can't decided whether they are gay or straight). 2) I hate seeing my friends so sad. 3) I am, once again, a... free spirit? No. Not really... more of... a lost and wandering soul... drifting, and out of the loop.

Happy Happenings: 1) A relationship that is far from anything resembling messy. 2) Wonderful teachers writing me letters of recommendation that make me sound like the best person that ever breathed air (and being willing to play along, if only for a while). :P Hehe. 3) Things working out, not all together smoothly, but still working out.

2004-04-24T16:59:00.000-06:00

Today we are aiming to have a truly happy post for that silly someone who was complaining that i only ever write sad or bitter-sweet things... so, here's hoping that i can complete one entirely happy post!

So... today... today i got up worked on theory, went to theory, realized that there are only about three weeks until the exam, and after realizing this i proceeded to become extremely worried and nervous... mind you (to keep with the happy thread) this is a good thing as it means that in approximately three weeks i won't have to do theory anymore! (assuming i pass :P)

It is a very boring sunday morning that consists entirely of theory. *sigh*

No one is home this afternoon so i have spent my wonderful time alone... cleaning my room!!! YAY! <- This is actually not sarcastic as i actually do like cleaning my room. My drawers are all organized now... including my sock drawer which is nicely organized in the "colour of sock" method that i have created. I like an organized sock drawer... it makes things seem like they are in order even if they really aren't. =)

Tonight i am going out for dinner with me boy and then we are going to see a movie *happy dance* Other than that... not much has happened that is worth notifying the general public about.

2004-04-16T00:29:00.000-06:00

The world spun and she held on. Not because it was what she wanted to do, but because it was all she knew how to do. She's learning now though... learning how to let everything slip away, to leave this world or pain and sorrow and escape to a place somewhere between life and death. One day she'll leave forever and remain only a shadow in the back of their minds. They won't know she's gone. She'll still be there... only it won't be her. Not really.

I'm sorry. I only ever wanted to be something to everyone who might have needed me... i don't know how to do that anymore. I don't even feel like anyone needs me anymore. Please just let me disappear for a while... i don't know how to cope with things... and the only ways i have now are not so beneficial to my health... *cough*

Please don't worry. Everything will be fine. I just need time to think.

And to conclude the evening... morning now i suppose... a quote.
"No people sing with such pure voices as those who live in deepest hell; what we take for the song of angels is their song."
-Franz Kafka
When i first came across this i was in grade seven. I pretended that i understood what was being said here, but really i had no clue. Things have changed since then... i have changed since then, and i understand now.

2004-04-14T17:22:00.000-06:00

Stress is bad... it means i can't eat... not just don't... can't. *sigh* i really haven't eaten anything substantial in the last three days... oh well... maybe if i stop eating and talking i'll fade away into sweet nothingness... that would be nice...

2004-04-13T18:21:00.000-06:00

If you read this and haven't signed the guest book... please go sign it...

2004-04-13T18:06:00.000-06:00

I should have kept to silence as my way of screaming at the world. It doesn't matter what i write, people always read more into it than is supposed to be there. All i ever do when i open my mouth is hurt people... this is why i don't like talking to anyone. Please don't think i'm leaving you. You know i never would. I'm just... not totally here anymore. My body is no longer the vessel of my soul... it's... a prison of flesh from which i watch the world race by through my hollow eyes. Please don't think that this has anything to do with you. I just... can't take care of my own life and don't think you should trust me with yours. I always manage to walk over peoples egg shell hearts and crush them to pieces... i know you don't think so, but you'd be better off without me... but that's a choice you'll have to make because i can't leave. There you go... have some more words to twist around.

2004-04-12T17:57:00.000-06:00

So this is how it goes... I'm sorry. You really must understand that i only ever wanted you to be happy, to be alive and breathing and happy that you were. I see now that i was never what you needed to be, not completely... i tried to be there for you... i tried to help you... but you never trusted me and i never really knew what to do. You have new friends now... friends that you trust... i wish you the best, i always have, and i'll still be there if you need someone to talk to. *hugs* I only wish i could have done more... for that i'm truly sorry.

2004-04-07T17:19:00.000-06:00

ihatemylifeiwanttodiekillmenow. i'msorry.

2004-04-06T15:25:00.000-06:00

Several things have come to my attention whilst i've been sitting here staring at the stupid computer screen. They are as follows:
1) I have absolutely no motivation what so ever when there is no one else around
2) My blog is far too happy and needs a different colour scheme
3) I hate it when the house is loud, but i hate it when i'm left alone with my thoughts
4) I am entirely too self absorbed. Here i am sitting around in a total slump, mad at everyone even if they haven't done anything and i have friends who are desperately holding on to whatever tiny threads hold them in this world. However, i don't seem to be able to do anything about it other than wish someone else would deal with these kind of situations for me so i could continue on with my elaborate scheme of making people think i'm happy... which leads me to my next point
5) For no apparent reason more than one person thinks i'm great when really all i do is pretend to be great and hide the side of me that is falling apart and totally sucks. This may be beneficial for me as it means that people hang around longer than is probably good/healthy for them... but that makes me even more guilty. You should all just go and let me try to figure out what i can do to make my life worthy of your company. When i've found out i'll let you know and you can all come back... maybe.
6) I should really be doing any one of a hundred other things that are far more important than blogging, but i'm severely unmotivated as was previously mentioned and so i'm just going to splatter random letters on the computer screen for any stray soul who happens to still read this piece of crap blog
7) I sound very down. I'm not. I'm happy. (Now would be the time for you to go back to any part where i don't sound happy and read said parts in your happiest happy voice. Thank you for your cooperation)

Here also is a list of all the things that would be a better use of my time
1) Practicing piano so that i don't totally flounder in the festival that i have to play at in only nine days
2) Working on my portfolio so i don't get rejected from the u of a
3) Studying for my learners
4) Applying for whatever scholarships may be left for the procrastinators in the world
5) Studying for my social test on wednesday that i'm going to fail
6) Coming up with something to write in out pair position paper so T doesn't kill me
7) Pretending to be happy so you'll all stop asking me what's wrong. IT'S GETTING ANNOYING!!!!!!!!
8) Making other people happy so that they see the worthwhileness of their living
9) Figuring out where the hell i'm going and what i'm doing with my future (looks like i'm destroying it fairly well)
10) Spend more time with D so that he doesn't think i hate him and so that i can try and convince him that my parents really don't hate him they just hate me

And while i'm working on all that i'll figure out the meaning of life and untwine all the secrets of the universe, afterwhich i'll write a book so that future generations don't have to bother and can maybe do something meaningful with their lives.

No, i'm really not being sarcastic, not at all, i actually think i mean most of what i've said. Fuck i hate my life. I hate feeling that whatever i do sucks and that everything i do puts another knot it my already unsalvagable life. I'm not allowed to do any of the things i actually like doing anymore because my parents are "looking out for the wellbeing of my life/future" and therefore must take away all things actually worth living for. I am unable to make my numerous friends who think they have little to no value see that they mean the world to me and many other people. I push everyone away and can't talk to the people who are trying to help me. The only thing i want to do is lock myself in my room and cry or scream or jump out my window. I have no future, i'm supposed to be this perfect, amazing and wonderful fucking person to someone who thinks they have no future or have screwed up any future that they might have had, and i can't do that. (Let me just say that for you... you have the means to make whatever future you want. You are amazing. You are wonderful, and you are perfect. You can accomplish anything you want to without even really trying. You have so much. Even if you had ruined your life to date you still have at the least 80 more years left in which to do great and wonderful things.) I can't be wonderful. I'm falling apart. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to run away and hide. I'm sorry. I only wanted to be perfect, and we can all see that i'm far from ever being able to do that.

Rolling-Stones's Lyrics - Paint It Black
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

Where do you run when the darkness surrounds you? How do you hide when the shadows deny you? What do you do when blackest night, once your dearest friend, becomes your greatest fear and shreds your soul to pieces? Listening to hollow voices in empty hallways you now understand that you were never alone.demonsdeamons keep you company when everyone has deserted you. You're better off without them, they never really understood you anyways.

2004-04-05T21:14:00.000-06:00

The little girl sits by the window and cries
Silent tears from hollow eyes
and she watches her life as it withers and dies

I'm sorry. I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to show you that you are wonderful, that you have done wonderful things with your life, that you can do so much in the world, that you mean so much to me, but i've failed. I'm sorry. If you want to go you can. I might not live without you, but whatever's best for you. Just remember that I love you.

2004-03-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hello World!

2004-03-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

THEY HAD YELLOW WATERMELLON AT THE LEG. TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh* i need to sleep.

2004-03-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world
~Gary Jules Lyrics

Let it end. Let me fall. Let me fade. Let me know the meaning of absolute silence.

"The world is too much within us"

2004-02-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Lol if you are bored go here (be warned it never stops) or here. ummm yes... i think that's all for the evening. Although we never really know do we?

2004-02-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

Shadows are but the forest my soul goes a wandering in... yup... that's what i have to say. It's rather boring. My only msn person still on-line says "sense is a commodity my impoverished soul cannot afford"
There you have it. That is what is for this evening. I wanted to write something more... meaningful, but right now... i don't know. It's early/late and i can't think. *sigh* I don't think i even want to think. I want to go and paint or draw or something, but.. i'll proabably just end up sleeping. There's a happy thought. Well... good... morning?... night?

2004-02-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, everyone should get pencils like devin. Te he it's soooooooooooo cool! Hehe you know what else is cool? There is a trailer for the "the runes of elf land" by brian froud. Yay! Books have trailers tooooooooo!

2004-02-11T21:04:00.000-07:00

AH HA! take this! Blogging twice in one night! Unheard of!!! Yes, i failed to mention the joy of the new books that mom bought today. I now have "Paris 1919" (good for social) and "The Beauty Myth" (reading in book club). *joy* Also, my room is almost clean so i am at the point of almost being able to breath again... now if only i didn't have a math test tomorrow... or if i understood the concepts. :P We can't have everything now though can we? Night cyberspace!

2004-02-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

*sigh* You people and your endless barrage of requests for more posts. It's getting annoying and thus i have decided it is once again time to appease the masses. Well... what's new in my life that could be even remotely worth posting... not much. English class is the best class i've ever taken! I love every minute of it. Math on the other hand is even more hellish than it was in 30 and i'm probably going to fail, but then, what can one expect. Ummmm... oh yes, i'm off to the the high school mock united nations on the 19th. That should be fun if i can figure out the position my country (Benin) has on the topics we are debating. :P
I was cleaning my room today and i found some of my old drawings which reminded me that i haven't seen the picture of The Faerie of Pure Joy for a really long time. I looked everywhere for it and i still haven't found it. That now makes three out of my four favorite faerie pictures that have disappeared even though i know they were in my room. It makes me wonder if they haven't just walked of the page and skipped away. In any case that would probably be better than me trapping them on the pages of my sketchbook.
Well that's all for tonight. *hugs to all*

2004-01-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

yay happy quizes for you to see!

'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!

What Type of Lunatic are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
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hehe daft... daft like jack!

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla
mmmmmmmm... between the shadows :)

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
That is my mantra... *mmmmmmmm....life is not fair.....mmmmmmmmm*

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Honestly... i'm not copying these from katie and devin... they're just the same for some reason :P

Night Fairy
Please rate my Quiz

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla
"oh night more loving than the rising sun" :)

avoidant

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your: Mysterious eyes. All in the title. Your
independant secretive and myseterious. You
appear cold and distant, but hey, at leats no
one messes with you.

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
....don't know about that :P

img src="http://images.quizilla.com/E/evilxelf/1073107413_Mariarain2.jpg" border="0" alt="HASH(0x8863a00)">
Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
important sides. There is your strong, powerful
side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
that along with the good, you also can see bad,
which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)

What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
....where as i do know about this one :)

You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. I'm guessing you
are a lot like me. Perhaps a Good Charlotte
hater? I hope so. An inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (If you like GC, I'm sorry,
I am just expressing an opinion)

A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

And that's all for tonight :)

2004-01-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

If it seems that fate is against you it is very possible that there is a good reason for it. Assuming that you haven't done anything cruel or heartless to anyone, and assuming that Karma is not getting back at you, it may well be advisable to take a moment and ponder exactly WHY it is that fate is getting in between you and what you are trying to do. I don't know if i entirely believe in fate or not, but sometimes i'm forced to think that everything happens for a reason, and when you conceive great and wonderful ways to get around the things that you think shouldn't happen, you just end up getting in the way of what should have happened. ( I also think that these sentences are very great and rambley and have way too many commas, but i don't really think i care.) Anyhow, ponder that for a while, and if it makes your brain hurt just remember it when you try and change something that you don't think should happen. :)

In other news i did not fail my last math unit test... though i don't know if i did well enough to bring up my mark from the horridness of where it was before. My last physics unit test was an abomination. CRIVENS! Now my mark is not in the 90's and that makes me sad. *sigh* Well, a happy and stress-free day to all of you who can find a way to create such a day... and if you do... Please tell me how. Love and hugs to all those who wander amidst the vast expanse of cyberspace.

2004-01-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?
lol, "but it's such a pretty boat... ship!"

2004-01-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

apparently i'm supposed to post something so here you go.... something. did you like that? i hope so cuz it's all i can think of at the moment... other than thank you very much for inviting me to the thing at bp's jessica *shakes head* happy new year to all and good luck in school in january i'm never going to survive. :S *insert feelings of happy here so as to appease devin*

2003-12-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

This is the week from hell. I hate it, i hate it all.

2003-12-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

Desert Rose
( Sting )

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

This desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

And as she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing's as it seems

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of her love

[break]

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of Eden haunts us all
This desert flower, this rare perfume
Is the sweet intoxication of the fall

2003-12-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Void: Please dispose all processes of rational thought in the receptacle provided and adopt whatever we tell you as the Truth. Enjoy your stay.

2003-12-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored. There is nothing to do except homework and i really don't want to do that... actually (does that have one "l" or two? I don't know) I don't understand the physics or math so i can't do it anyways. It is every so veryvery dull sitting here with nobody to talk to *alas*, but at least i don't feel like i was hit by a bus anymore... more like someone hit me in the face with a 100 pound tuna. Don't ask where that came from. Look it's a cyclopse @) Tehe it's so happy. Yarg i'm bored. And my face looks like that of a chipmunk. *pouts*

2003-12-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

*sigh* such stress. I missed the entire start of the new unit in physics and now i have no idea what is going on. We have a "major quiz" today that he didn't even tell us about and i don't have a fucking clue how to do any of the questions... but i don't think i'll have to write it today... i'll have to write it tomorrow and that's not good cuz they'll be doing notes again and i'll get behind again and then i'm getting my wisdom teeth out on wednesday and i won't be here then or on thursday and... well, hopefuly i'll be here on friday but... who knows. Oh well, maybe i'll have some kind of reaction to the anesthetic and die and then i won't have to worry about all this crap.

2003-11-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

This is from nicole's profile. I like it and therefore i am posting it. "once upon a time there was a tormented princess, she locked herself up in the tower and amused herself with her feelings, demons, music, drawing and obsessions. she had nothing more to do than wash her hands, organize everything she owned, watch the clouds turn grey and tap her fingers to accompany her sadness"

2003-11-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

LOL! Fine i will actually write something of meaning now. Well... lets see... I started work at the leg. on the 18th and it's the best job ever. You'll all have to come sit in the gallery sometime and watch... no that it's really all that interesting a lot of the time, but... ya. You'd get to see me in my uniform... on second thought... how about you not come :P Hmmm.... what eles is new? Not too much i don't think. The usual overload of theory, piano, homework and jobs, but i'll survive cuz i have to now. :) I went to ACAD and this ad agency place that my dad know the manager at. ACAD was not all that i had perhaps invisioned it to be... less... artsy than would be expected, but the ad place was really cool and i got to help design a logo for a company. Tres cool. Well, i must go now, but untill i post again i leave you with a quote from one of the other pages... "I went shopping for pantyhose today and it SUCKED! I hate the stupid things, I mean, really, anything with panties and hoses is just not cool." Lol panties and hoses that paints a funny picture. :P Take care all, love you muchly. *hugs*

2003-11-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

Due to the constant nagging that i am getting from a number of people about the fact that i "haven't posted in AAAAAAAGES", here's a post.

2003-11-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Joy! go watch the end of the world which was the only good thing this evening.

2003-11-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all heard at some point in time, the saying "you should live today like the world is going to end tomorrow". I think this is a good idea however i don't suppose that when i tell my physics teacher that i didn't do my homework because "i was living yesterday like the world was going to end today... however, my calculations were a bit off and it seems the world hasn't ended... my bad" he's going to accept that as a vaild excuse. Talk about mixed messaging. :P

2003-11-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Look at the joy of the colour changing circle of ultimate doom! Hehe sorry stef we had to steeeeeal it from you... i mean... commandeer.

2003-10-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

Here's another really great one. Thanks go out to Marilyn (and ryl).

50 things to do in walmart
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow.Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court,buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

2003-10-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

I was going through my e-mails and i came across this little thing that was just taking up space. So here it is now for all to read and so i can get rid of it from my e-mails.

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the
back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child
reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a
full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the
line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend
an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver,
purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand
and lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says
there were three gifts.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of
diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar
tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they
are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens th an people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in
"dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
There are two words in the English language that have all five
vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
otherwise it will digest itself.
...................Now you know everything!

2003-10-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's not when people cry out for help that we need be most worried about them It's when they sit there in silence and say nothing.

2003-10-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

"art is why i get up in the morning
but my definition ends there
and it doesn't seem fair
that i'm living for something i can't even define"
-out of habit (ani di franco)

"i'm gonna turn
and walk away
you can wait
till i am far along
then run and come
and catch my arm
and say you'd die
if i were gone
i want to hear you
call my name
it's too easy
just to say it soft
i don't like my language
watered down
i don't like my edges
rounded off"
-make me stay (ani di franco)

"buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that's what it takes
all that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn't bend breaks
what doesn't bend breaks

we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke"
-buildings and bridges (ani di franco)

It all comes down to who you are, why you are, and why you are who you are. If you figure it out... hold on to that knowledge with every fiber of your existence, and never let anyone question it.

2003-10-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

Who knew? I do still cry. I've cried the last two nights actually. Ya... that's not normal.

Maybe she's right, maybe nothing matters. I surely don't. I mean... how long was i talking to her, trying to make her feel better and keep her from doing something stupid? And did it do any good? No, of course not. I've never mattered to them. Ever since... ever since then. For all i try i can never make things better, and yet a few words from her and she's okay. (yes i know that's a lot of her's and she's but i don't want to use names). An "i'm sorry and i love you" from her go farther than me talking to her for over half an hour? Why do i even try? I mean nothing.
She asked if she was crying. Fuck. SHE wasn't even reading. She was sitting there looking away from the computer doing that "i'll make my eyes really big and not say anything" thing that is so annoying while i sat there crying becuase... fuck. Becuase she matters so much and she can't see that she does, and she thinks she hurts people so much that she should just end it all so that she wouldn't hurt them. Maybe she does hurts people sometimes, but then... everyone hurts other people, and... you can't think that if you aren't here that's going to stop them from hurting. It doesn't work that way. Can't you see that? Can't you see how hard this has been for me? To first have to say goodbye to you and her as you go off without me and leave me in your dust and then have to watch you like this? I was always there for you, all the phone calls i made for you all the times i tried to help.... but i never could. I never could do anything. I tried to. I... i wanted you to be happy so i didn't show you how sad it all made me... at least... i tried not to. Fuck. I hate this. You know what? That "you could never hurt me that much", that wasn't from her. I typed that. I typed that so you wouldn't fucking kill yourself. Yes, she started typing after that but i was not "monopolizing" the keyboard before that. I tried to leave a couple times before that and no one else would type so i said that to make you feel like i was just keeping them from typing. But no. No, she wouldn't even type when i was begging her too. She wasn't crying. She just looked annoyed. I was crying. Fuck this. I quit nothing matters. I don't matter.
This weekend sucks. Dad didn't want to drive me to the ACAD thing in clagary cuz he was already there on wednesday and thursday, and didn't want to have to drive down again. Besides "it's not really a big thing is it?" Then he gets back and he's like "oh i heard an add for that ACAD thing and it sounds like a pretty big deal. Maybe we should go down." Well you could have fucking listened to me when i told you it was a big deal, but if i was going to cause you that much trouble we didn't have to go. I don't have my portfolio here and i have to work. Both things that i could have fixed if i thought you actually cared about my post secondary education. Fuck. He's always telling me that i need to find out eveything i can about different options and then i find something useful and he doesn't even give a damn.
I have to go. I have to work. I have to walk to work. Fuck. I hate it all.

2003-10-25T11:17:00.000-06:00

Iris Lyrics
-Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I could taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't comming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

2003-10-21T17:41:00.000-06:00

Guess i do have something else to "say". Here are some wonderful latin quotes/other latin things that i found whilst meanding amongst the chaos of the web:

Cogito ergo sum: I think therefore I am

Gnothe seauton (Greek): Know thyself.(lat. Nosce te Ipsum)

Quis, quod, ui, quibus auxiliis, cur, quomodo, quando?: Who, what, where, in what ways, why how and when?

Ruber et Niger: Red and Black

Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant: Where they create desolation, they call it peace

Nemo sine vitio est
- No one is without fault

Vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas: Vanity of vanities, all is vanity

Veni vidi vici: I came, I saw, I conquered

Video meliora proboque deteriora sequor: I see the better way and approve it, but I follow the worse way

Veritas odium parit: Truth breeds hatred

Cogito Ergo Doleo
- I think therefore I am depressed

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
- If you can read this you're overeducated

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur
- Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out

Aliquando et insanire iucundum est
- It is sometimes pleasant
even to act like a madman

"Fiat lux."
"Let there be light" (Vulgate Genesis)

"Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!"
"May barbarians invade your personal space!"

2003-10-21T16:33:00.000-06:00

here for now

i bet you're wondering
if you woke up today
just to learn why the caged bird sings
i bet you're wondering if the goddesses are all crazy
or just keeping it interesting
situated slightly outside society
at odds with its odd offerings
i bet you're teetering on the edge of sobriety
just to alleviate a few things

like the fear that you're standing here
cuz you want to be liked
you know you need your instrument
but does your instrument need to be miked?

you keep imagining that pretty soon you will just disappear
and thinking that one thing is what saves you from your fear of being here
here for now
here for now

i bet you're looking for the little red x next to the red arrow
and the words 'you are here'
i bet you're hoping that your heart will send up the white flag this time
or some sign that the coast is clear
yeah, the moment when your heart jumps
it's all that's happening
and once again, it's like the first time you've felt that shock
yeah, the moment when your heart jumps
it's all that's happening
an i was right behind the door when you knocked

thinking maybe i'm just standing here
cuz i want to be liked
i know i need my instrument
but does my instrument need to be miked?

i keep imagining that pretty soon i will just disappear
and thinking that one thing is what saves me from my fear of being here
here for now
here for now
here for now

words and music by ani difranco � 2003 righteous babe music / BMI

Yes, that is all i have to write today.

2003-10-20T11:52:00.000-06:00

YAY! I just realized that i only have three days of school this week because on thursday i have the council retreat and we have friday off cuz of pst interviews. Good times. Today is art drop in after school, also yay! That means that paul is probably coming and i get to finish my painting. Happy happy. Today is good thus far. However next block we get our unit test back and i think i failed, and tomorrow i have a math quiz and i'm ever so lost. :S
Hmmm while i'm here i'm puting in a link to an alice in wonderland site. More for me than for anyone else, as i don't think i'll find it again and i need it for art. If you want to visit it though it has some interesting pictures and whatnot.

2003-10-16T16:21:00.000-06:00

The time has gone once again
When the world is too much within us
And the force of our own footsteps
Echoes loudly within our minds
-The Time Has Come - Elliot Simon

How strange it is that the people i have known the least know the most about me.

Reality is overrated.

According to a number of people (if you call three a number... but then three is a number so why wouldn't you call it as such) in my physics class i am evil. I don't know about that. Ben says evil in a dark and chaotic way... which i suppose i could live with, and Paul says i'm not evil, just impish. I say i don't know what or who i am.

I hate how, just because my parents go to bed at ten, i have to go to bed at ten. And i also hate how there is no using the computer after ten. If this rule were different last night would not have been so bad.

I enjoy my acrylic painting that i'm working on in art. This is the first time that i've actually gotten along with the stupid acrylic-ness. It's ever so veryvery cool... even if Ben thinks it looks like a rooster.

Ben is crazy... just like a lot of people at school, but that's okay cuz the crazy people are the ones that make going to school worth while.

Is worth while one word or two. Hmmm.... worthwhile.... worth.... while. Worth is a funny word. Now that i look at it i think i've spelt it wrong. Oh well. I don't care.

I have no ideas for my sketchbook.

I have no clue what is going on in math.

I don't want to study for physics. I don't want a physics unit test.

I don't want to be alone right now.

*sigh*

*SIGH*

Hehe

I have no idea why i am posting in this odd way.

I hope the spaces stay where they are. Otherwise this won't look as happy.

2003-10-14T11:47:00.000-06:00

Well, apparently i blog a lot on tuesdays, but not much on other days. Anyhow, i wouldn't want to dissapoint anyone so i thought i ought to write something.... except that i have nothing to write and i should go now. Hmm.... well.... i shall post on thing before i go and that would be that this last month has been the best in my life so far. Thank you. Also... to a few of you.. actually more than i would like there to be... remember that you are special and that you mean everything to me. You are what keeps me here when sometimes i really don't want be and i hope i can do the same for you. Take care, you are all beautiful people and i believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself.

2003-10-07T17:27:00.000-06:00

People have been bugging me to update my blog *cough* kim *cough* so here you go... hope it makes you happy to hear about my... wonderful.... life. :P
Today sucked. Yesterday was bad, last night was... really bad... and then today... ya... BAD! I broke down in bio and was all teary and i felt stupid. Thank goodness for nicole... and having a fire drill so that i got to go outside and calm down. *sigh* Stupid world.
I think i failed... no wait... i'm almost sure i failed my math quiz today, which apparently was a "quiz" but was as hard as a unit test. I didn't even finish the stupid thing. Math leads to much badness. Alas.
So many things are runing through my head... but i can't write half of them down because... i can't... and the other half... i don't know... i can't seem to find the words.

2003-09-30T11:40:00.000-06:00

hehe good times. tisa just asked me if i ever eat lunch :P Why eat when you can blog? And that would end the happy thought of the day as the other thoughts of the day are not so happy.
My parents hate me... or at least it seems like that. nothing i do is ever good enough for them and it's too fucking hard to be perfect enough to make them happy. It doesn't matter how well i do they always think i should do better. I get 89% on a test and it's "well... that's okay but what happened to the other 11%?" I got to awards night and i don't get any congratulations, only lectures on how i need to write all the ap exams and apply for every fucking scholarship there is and be... fuck, be the fucking perfect child that i can't ever be. I hate them. And then mom is all wanting to have a "talk" and i fucking don't want to talk to her and then she is still mad in the morning. Fuck! I hate this.

2003-09-23T21:27:00.000-06:00

*rant* Blogger at school is stupid and doesn't know how to put in paragraphs. Ssssssssstupid blogger.*/rant*

Thoughts of the evening
~You know it's windy when your ear phones get blown out of your ears
~The sound of the wind in the trees is a wonderful thing
~Concrete under your feet is too hard and makes the world seem more dead than it already is
~The world is dead here compared to in the mountains... flowers are told where to grow, trees are told how to look... it's all so artificial
~Fall is not a time of death, it is a time when the wild things are alowed to be wild and are set free from the restrictions we put on them... and that is why it is so wonderful

2003-09-23T11:45:00.000-06:00

Well today hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be. Perhaps i worry too much..... hmmmm.... me? worry too much? Never! :P The math quiz wasn't as terribly hard as i thought it was... or maybe i just thought it wasn't because i got everything wrong. Oh well, it's done now and there is nothing i can do to change that. I hate math. I hate the way our teacher doesn't teach us anything and gives us quizes on units we have already finished. I hate school. I hate working. I hate not having enough time to do eveything i want. Hmmmm..... i wonder if it's healthy to hate that many things.... not that those are the only things i hate.... Oh well, as my one of my friends said the other day 'who ever cared about healthy" :P Good times.
Bio was interesting today. Wheat-Grass-Boy thought that blind people could still tell what colors things were becuase they could here the colors. Yeeeeeeeees.... that's right you can hear color. Hmmmm.... "You're shirt is sounding very orange today" ;) We get to (.... perhaps have to is a better phrase) disect eyes in bio on thursday..... right after the math unit exam that i have no time to study for.
I think i need to quit my job. I have no time for stupid work and i can't deal with just standing around doing nothing at work when i could be doing other things. Like studying.... or being with people.... Perhaps i should go study for my bio quiz tomorrow. GRRRRRRRR! Too many stupid tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-09-22T11:55:00.000-06:00

Hello all! not much now cuz marilyn is here and i have to go but.... yes. see some of you at choir today. YAY!

2003-09-19T16:49:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the last post.... i got perhaps a bit.... emotional. :P Oh well all is forgiven if you'll forgive me.
Today is talk like a pirate day me hearties. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Hehe today in bio we were talking about how if you don't have good posture you'll wreck your spine and everything and everytime we do that people sit up. It's quite funny :D
Today was also..... FRIDAY FUNDAY! :P We got to make crazy acid-trip-like art while listening to spanish and techno music. Good times! I also got 10/10 on my sketchbook. YAY! ..... i don't know why though. It wasn't very good. :P
Well now i have to go cuz james wants the computer or something and then i have to go babysit (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr i'd much rather be doing other things *pouts*) and then... well i don't know what i'm doing.... going to theory tomorrow... and hopefuly my teacher won't kill me if i don't get all 180 chords written out :S

2003-09-18T11:43:00.000-06:00

*note*Okay, i really don't care you get mad at me for posting this cuz at the moment i am so pissed of at you that i don't care. (sorry if my lauguage becomes crude, again i'm mad and i can always edit this later)
Don't you remember all those time that you'd call me up and ask me if you could call her for you just because you really needed to talk and you knew that if you called her parents wouldn't answer the phone? I really didn't mind because you are my friends and i wanted you to be happy. But, i guess you don't remember that because when the person i'm looking for is at you fucking house you won't even let me talk to them. What the fuck was that????? *jumps up and down and throws things* I can't believe you did that. *shakes head and cries*

Well then.... we have a physics unit test today and somehow my notes got lost in somebody elses stuff yesterday so i'm lost and i don't know what to do for the rest of the bonus questions. Today is a horrible day and i want to cry or... play with sharp things. grrrr

2003-09-17T11:45:00.000-06:00

So apparently the AP physics questions count for marks. Isn't that nice? No, no it's really not. I haven't even finished doing the stupid reveiw. grrrrrr. Who's stupid idea was that?

2003-09-16T22:47:00.000-06:00

Certain people have been after me for not updating my blog. However, i am doing much better at updating than certain people. :P I don't really have much to say tonight, other than i am happy. This must be a record..... what is it now.... four or five nights of joy... i don't know, but it doesn't matter cuz i'm happy.
It is cold. Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold (except for my tea which is burning :D) I was wearing two sweaters and a shirt in bio today and i was still cold. The school is so stupid. Who turns the air conditioning on in the winter??? School, that's who. Now i'm cold again... not that i really stopped being cold.
In other news i still need to get my learners (i plan to do that this week... i think. wow, yay for my ability to plan so affirmatively). I also need to plan out my life and figure out how i can do all the things that i need/want to do in the small amount of hours that make up each day. Life could get crazy, but i think as long as i keep my parents happy, things should be good. Mind you... keeping the P.U's happy is a tough job sometimes.
I'm glad that there is a spell check on blogger now.... not that i use it all the time. :P Well that's about all i have to say right now.... miss you all... miss some of you a lot. ((((hugs cyberspace))))

2003-09-15T21:47:00.000-06:00

This just in from N^th.....

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe."

Take that all you people who try to tell me how to spell. HAHAHA! I laugh right at you... or maybe just slightly around you.... or... at least in your vicinity.

Life just keeps getting better and better..... and so does my font apparently... but i think that will change when i post this. Hmmmm.... i don't know if i have much else to say tonight. At least not for all of cyberspace. :P Night all!

Between the Darkness and the Light

OMG! A Post!

And now for something completely different...

Adrift

hello blog?

hello blog?

Ho's Ho?

picutuuuuures!

Little Wandrin' Hobo

How horrible this blog...

I oft used to say that time went a wandrin' just like me, but these days it's really flying by

and one more....

A quiz to prove that I am not insane... in fact that i am a "voice of sanity" HAHAHAHAHAHA! I win!!!

:D It's my Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday!

Tower of Insanity

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve, Folks!

Christmasy Joy (Day 2)

Apparently...

Holiday Lollybloggers

*sigh*

Good Times

SNOW!

*&^*^%$&%^#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The world doesn't stop spinning just because your eyes are closed

Moonbeams and Shadows

Words don't seem to be enough...

Of Evacuation and Office Assistance Gone Awry

Of Computers and Strange Occurrences

Annoyed cont'd.

Annoyed

My Life as Sonata: Op.27 No.2, First Movement (Beethoven)

sigh

&^^%$&%^#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!